A Desperate Woman

I just found out how incredibly large the tumor was. Inoperable; the very word carried a death sentence. The mass was in my right lower lung, around my diaphragm across my liver and down the cavity of my back. I could read the minds of the technicians standing over me, “Geez, I’m glad I’m not this lady! What’s going to happen to her?” I boldly professed my faith in Christ and assured them that I had come through other tough situations before, and I would be alright…
The next day was Sunday and we were on our way to church. Suddenly I was feeling my world turning upside-down and inside out, realizing the severity of my situation. I would not survive unless God made a way out for me. I was turning into a desperate woman. I remember walking straight to the altar area during praise and worship and falling on my knees, crying out to God. I saw myself at the feet of Jesus in reckless abandonment…giving the whole of me over to Him. Some people in the congregation probably didn’t quite understand what I was going through. I didn’t care a whole lot about what other people thought…I was a desperate woman. Many sisters in Christ gathered around to pray for me.
The gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke all record the miracle of a sick woman who had an issue of blood for 12 years. She spent all her money on doctors, trying to get well, but instead she just got worse. Now, in Luke Chapter 8 she sees Jesus among a throng of people. Hoping for a miracle she just wants to “touch the hem of his garment,” believing she would be made well. She desperately pursues Jesus, pushing through the mobs of people as He walks by, probably getting thrust and jabbed by the growing crowd as she extends her hand to just to touch Him. As a result of her desperation, she touched his cloak and she was immediately healed.
Much like the woman in the story, cancer made me a desperate woman. Being desperate for Jesus is not a bad thing. Often our extreme need causes us to pursue God in a way as never before. I have found in my life that God responds to our cries and acts of faith; like pushing through crowds of chaotic people to touch the hem of His garment. You and I can’t physically touch Jesus’ cloak, but we can touch Him and have Him touch us as we pursue Him in prayer, worship, faith and hope. I many, many times have bowed before Him and extended my hands in faith, reaching for Him, loving Him, and laying my great needs before Him. I am grateful to say that He has always met me at my great points of need…which are often.
Mary

To Live for Christ is Gain

I remember one day stepping out of the shower and stepping in front of the mirror. I was taken aback by who I saw. I felt like someone took the real me away and left a counterfeit in my place. I stared at my bald head and hairless body. I touched the scars that were wrapped around my ribs and felt the port protrude underneath my skin. Bumps from the sternotomy wires from my first surgery stuck out down the center of my chest. I stepped closer and closer to the mirror as if I were trying to recognize something familiar about the person staring back at me. I had lost so many things. Yes my hair was gone and my physical appearance had changed, but I lost more than that. I missed time with my children and with my husband. Our entire lives had been put on hold. I had lost much of my identity, and dignity. I risked losing myself, my passion, my dreams, my desires, my hopes and everything I held dear. Standing face to face with the person in the mirror, I finally found something familiar. My eyes were still the same, and for some reason I was able to smile. Then the Lord brought a scripture to my mind found in Philippians 3:7. Paul was writing about all the things he could boast about, but how all of those things were rubbish compared to knowing Christ. “But whatever things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ.” I thought about all the things I had lost through this cancer battle and I wondered if I could count them as rubbish in comparison of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord. Have I gained Jesus through this ordeal? And if I have gained Christ, then nothing else really matters in the scope of my life. There was nothing more compelling than knowing Him more intimately.

I pray that through this difficult time you will draw closer to the Lord, growing fuller in the knowledge of His grace and love.

Mary

God Knows Your Name

Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father's will. But the very hairs of your head are numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. Matt. 10:29-31

Everyone of our hairs is counted! How can that be?

I remember during on of my cancer battles, I went to the beach with my family. I loved watching the waves continue to roll in to shore. Standing with my feet on the edge of the water, I was awed by the incredible vastness of the ocean, extending out as far and wide as my eyes could see; the horizon meeting the sky. The world was so huge. Suddenly, I felt so exceptionally small and insignificant in its scope, yet profoundly humbled that the God who created it all loved me and knew my name.

I think that during cancer treatments and battles we can feel so alone at times. Unless a person has been through it, they cannot truly relate, and even then, each of us has different thoughts, emotions and experiences. To me, it is comforting to know that a God so infinitely wise and immense bends His head to watch over me and leans His ears to hear my cry.

Know today that God knows your very name, how you feel, what you are facing tomorrow, and like a loving Father, He is bending down to listen, love and touch His children...to touch you.

Praying His presence is upon you!

Mary

The Reason for Creating this Blogg

One reason I have decided to create this web blogg is because throughout the years of my cancer battles I found very few avenues of Christian support. There were plenty of practical, general cancer support groups, but none that were specifically for the Christian believer. The world of cancer can be very confusing...and sometimes even more so because as Christians, suffering and illness can be seen as contradictory to the life and prosperity Christ wants us to experience. But I have found that as Christians we can still thrive in the life and blessings of the Lord despite the difficulty and hardship of fighting a serious illness...such as cancer. My hope is that my experiences over the past 24 years will help provide insight and encouragement to each and every reader. Be encouraged in your faith and know that God is in the Midst of your cancer victory!!

Mary

But God in the Midst of Cancer

Blogg currently under creation by six time cancer survivor Mary Pappas, to encourage and support cancer patients, cancer survivors and their families in the light of Jesus Christ. Please check back soon!

Psalm 139:4-6 "For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me; It is high, I cannot attain it."

May the awesome presence of the Lord encircle you and cover you and astound you! He knows you intimately and altogether!